get back to work, you lazy fucks

20 02 2008


the writers’ strike is over. no more american gladiators [come april]. and to that i say, boooo. have you been watching Conan this week? fucking hell man. i love that guy, but shit on a fucking stick, the best thing that ever happened to him was losing his writers. this is a perfect example of what is wrong in every form of art. (yeah, that’s right. i’m about to go there.) when Conan lost his writers, he was like a small animal, cornered and defenseless. and then, just like any comedian/talk show host [or artist for that matter] with real talent, he fucking exploded. without the crutch of his writers, he was forced to rely on his natural ability to entertain. and the result was something that we haven’t seen from him since he lost his comedic soul mate, Andy Richter. the writer’s strike provoked the kind of creativity that can only come from desperation. just like any art form, the best work is the result of some kind of conflict or challenging event. some people say that the best art comes from pain, but really, the pain is just the byproduct of the challenge. when life is truly difficult, you are pushed to your max [or you crumble from the anxiety like certain people (me)]. it’s the trying times that produce the best product because not only is the artist [or talk show host [or blogger for that matter]] delivering everything that he or she has to offer, but he/she/it is doing so in a way that is relatable to everyone. and i do mean everyfuckingone. whether you’re paris hilton or joe shmoe bum on the street, your life is filled with conflict. whether or not you/he/she/it chooses to overcome, or attempt to overcome that conflict will differ from person to person, but the universal desire is to try. struggle is so much more attractive than success because struggle is real and success is a pipe dream. there is no real success in the human condition, and the only alternative to struggle is to quit, or die (depending on the circumstances). artists who are willing to risk and struggle, and can do so while connecting with an audience, are the ones who create the greatest works. and that is why Conan was so great for the past five weeks. in the desperation of the situation, he lowered his self imposed standards and thereby allowed himself to be more creative and rely on his talent much more than he was comfortable doing in the recent past. he is a great comedian, and the writers’ strike allowed his talents to shine. i can only hope that the return of the writers does not mean the death of the new Conan.

my advice to all aspiring artists: quit your job, move out of your parents basement to a city where you don’t know anyone, get a shitty job cleaning toilets making minimum wage, eat ramen noodles for every meal, and immerse yourself in your art every waking second that you have. (although, i make $90k a year and drive a beamer, so wtf do i know?)


coming in 20008, more bullshit!!!!!!

28 12 2007

in the meantime, get fuzzy. Read the rest of this entry »

so fucked

20 11 2007

so boned

holy crap.  i just got “mentioned!”  now it’s only a matter of time before this blog gets me laid.  i should start updating more regularly, before the hoes start to lose interest.  unfortunately, with this baby on the way, it’s not going to be easy.

i went to see Beowulf in 3D at an IMAX this weekend.  it was pretty cool.  the last 3D IMAX movie i saw was superman returns, and it sucked.  supe really only utilized the 3D in a few scenes, where as Beowulf was rockin the 3D hardcore in every friggin scene.  Crispin Glover‘s character Grendel was pretty cool too.  lots of “in your face” grossness.  and i can’t not mention Angelina Jolie’s gigantic naked mud covered cartoon boobs and vagina.

i finished watching the first season of Californication last night.  although the BPE (boobs per episode) dropped off considerably after the third episode, it remained THOROUGHLY entertaining til the end.  although the ending of the season was surprising.  and not necessarily in a good way.  i fucking love that show though. it’s not as high brow as The Sopranos, but wtf is?  (if my junior high english teacher ever read this paragraph, she would most likely beat me.  and then probably rape me.  while beating me some more. (i’m still scared of mrs. pounds.))

fuck me sideways.  i’m sure you’ve seen the shittier than shit trailer for Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.  not even Jack White could get me to see that movie after watching that POS trailer. but then (thank fucking christ for the europeans) they released the UNRATED TRAILER.  i don’t like building up comedies, (or anything else for that matter) but do not make up your mind about seeing this movie until you watched the REAL TRAILER.

the writer’s strike continues.  some british dude from the daily show explains what’s up.

i know this has been the topic of many a comedian (couldn’t find the right clip. fuck me.), but i went to the mall this weekend to buy some pants, and i was fucking shocked to hear alvin and the chipmunks singing “christmas don’t be late.”  WTF?  in case i mixed advil and alcohol and blacked out again, i do not fucking remember thanksgiving happening.  so why the fuck did santa fucking claus just grab my ass?  santa does not make unwanted sexual advances preturkeyfuckingday.  don’t get me wrong.  i like christmas.  i tend to be filled with the christmas spirit every year.  for example, i am far less likely to mercilessly beat a homeless man with a hammer after hearing “a wonderful christmas time.”  but doesn’t anyone else feel like, maybe, corporate america is ripping the baby jesus fetus out of the womb about a month early?  i like the baby jesus.  i just don’t want to see his ass before he’s ripe.