the triumphant return [to be immediately followed by morning sickness]

11 12 2007

mr t

don’t worry, i’m due in january. then, not only will i have plenty of time to post my verbal diarrhea, but i’ll also be able to do it while driving around in my sweet new mustang convertible. (you wouldn’t believe how much cash you can get for a brand new baby.)

thank God for science. they finally found a cure for gayness… in flies. but not before finding a way to turn hetro flies queer as a three dollar bill. i don’t really understand how they did it, but i heard that both transformations somehow involved zac effron.

Juno hits theaters this weekend. please fucking go see it so i can finally stop talking about it. you’ll love it. i swear. rainn wilson is in it. who doesn’t love rainn wilson? no one. that’s who. jesus titty fucking christ, just go see the fucking movie already. fucking hell, dude. seriously.

i went to see Atonement this weekend. before you ask, no, there was not a nude scene. believe it or not, that was not why i went. (seriously.) the main attraction for me was the long take that i kept hearing about. it was an insane five minute sequence requiring an infinite amount of orchestration. if you go to see the movie, and you hear James McAvoy say “i smell the sea,” sit up and start paying attention. other than that one extremely awesome shot, the movie wasn’t bad. not the greatest story, but really well shot. and they showed the word “cunt” in really big letters. so there’s that, too.

i just started listening to Peter, Bjorn, and John and i’ve been dancing around [in my head] to their music all week. quick, someone welcome me to 2006.

i just watched the trailer for Machine Girl, and it’s left me feeling strange. i know how i should feel. i should have a boner from the overwhelming amount of awesomeness that i just witnessed. but instead, i’m left feeling a little bored. is it possible that i finally went over the edge? could i have pushed the threshold to the point that there is no longer a threshold? i guess it’s just a matter of time before the internet does this to everyone. you can only experience things like two girls, one cup so many times before something snaps. or maybe it’s just the hormones.

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best news evar!!!

15 11 2007

recycle

i’m preggers!!! yay for me.

i gave away all of the today’s best links to fellow (more committed) bloggers. here are the left overs.

this is proof that most people need to pull their heads out of their asses and stop judging people they don’t know shit about. “surfer dude discovers holy grail of physics.” (also, if you use the term “surfer dude” you are automatically a douche bag.)

please, fucking god, somebody buy this for me.

i’m about to admit something to you (readers of my blog whom i feel so very close to), that i have never revealed to anyone, ever (while sober). every time i watch Rocky 1, i tear up a little at the end. don’t bother calling me a fag, cause i know most of you do it too. so out of the 22 screenplays he’s written, stallone nailed at least one. but holy fucking shit, what is this? writing and directing a biopic about edgar allan poe??? all those goth kids must be rolling over in their coffin shaped beds. is it possible that we are all underestimating the man who brought us such classics as Over the Top and Rhinestone?  nevermore.  (shameless, i am.)





dark side of the boob

12 10 2007

fonzy socks

you know what’s crazy? fucking japanese people (not literally). those fuckers are CRAZY. seriously. wtf is with those guys?

you know what’s even crazier? Julie Taymor, the director of Across the Universe, is making Spiderman: The Musical. seriously. and what is even more fucked up is, bono and the fucking edge wrote the music for it. jtfc. wtf is wrong with the world?

rambo 4 just got a new title, Rambo to Hell and Back. as we like to say around the office, “when you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin.”

a lot of nerds are freakin out about this new pic of Iapetus, saturn’s third largest moon. they claim that they love this picture because of the mysterious discolouring, but u and i both know the real attraction. (IT’S A GIANT FUCKING BOOB!)  and while we’re on the subject, check out this picture of a proposal for teraforming mars.  tell me that’s NOT a giant penis in the sky.  these fucking space nerds are out of control.  are we really expected to believe that that couple is not 10 seconds away from banging, after staring at that arousing atmosphere forming satellite of love?  you space nerds need to stop jizzing on our science.  seriously.





awesomeness overload

25 09 2007

train ride

according to some guys who know a lot about math, parallel universes really do exist. what does this mean? it means Sliders was real… in another universe… probably.

man rips head off duck. duck is not amused.

female ninjas rob gas station. i cross off #32 on the list of things i want to see before i die.

germs go to space. germs come back better, stronger, faster, deadlier. fuck yeah. space germs will kill us all. did i mention, you should really be enjoying life while you can.





white light/white heat

11 09 2007

this is some cool shit. it’s about 50 years away from being useful, but holy fuck, that is friggin cool.

UPDATE: still cool, one week later.

btw, i heart science.