cognitively boned

2 03 2010

OMG!  i’m back again!  my fan is going to be soooo excited.

nbc is retarded.  did you know that jeff zucker, the megadouchetard who fired Conan O’Brien,  not only went to college with Conan, but actually had him arrested for pulling a prank when they were in school together?  (of course you already knew that, and this is all old news, but i wasn’t blogging during the clusterfucktastrophe that was Conan’s firing, so i still have some shit that i need to get off my chest.  (my muscular, glistening, orgasm inducing chest.))   anyway, that guy is cognitively impaired out the ass.  although, that should have been obvious after he gave jay “i have no fucking idea what’s funny anymore” leno the tonight show back.  luckily, Cone Bone is figuring out the internet, and twittering the shit out of it.  hurray for humanity.  [also, hurray for stern.]

i just found out that costco sells caskets.  i wish i had the balls to write a joke about Haiti, but unfortunately for me, my soul is still hanging on by a thread.  don’t worry though.  thanks to the guidance provided by NPR, i’ll be trading in my soul for gold chains and a Cadillac before you can say, “bitch, where’s my money.”

it’s funny how much your tastes and preferences can change as you get older.  for example, if you had told me ten years ago, that i would someday love spinach, i would not have believed you.  but i do.  or if you had told me that i would spend hours everyday watching dudes masturbate, live on webcams, i also would not have believed you.  and yet, i do.  although, i could not have foreseen chatroulette. it’s not that i like watching guys masturbate. [seriously!]  it’s just that, i know, deep down in my heart, that if i stick with it long enough, someday, i will get to see a, boob.  so far, dicks are beating boobs 47,396 to zero.  but i heard somewhere that the dick/boob ratio was around 50,000 to 1, so i’m almost there!  (i cannot wait to see that boob!!)




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: