coming in 20008, more bullshit!!!!!!

28 12 2007

in the meantime, get fuzzy. Read the rest of this entry »


movies rock (fur shizzel)

11 12 2007

bill murray

a while back i got a supplement with wired magazine called movies rock. it actually wasn’t terrible to read. they had a couple things about Bill Murray and Zooey Deschanel. not to mention, they had two of my favorite comedians, Demetri Martin and David Cross, reviewing tracks recorded by celebrities. i really wanted to post the article, but this bullshit magazine supplement is, apparently, not on the internet. (i am still in disbelief that there is anything in existence that does not also exist on the internet.) luckily for you, i was a little drunk when i realized that the article has not found its way to the webbernuts. (don’t worry, a little alcohol is good for fetuses.) so i typed out about half the article. i was apparently too drunk to type the whole thing. ride the bump to read hilarity ensuing [like i give a shit].

UPDATE: my theory has been proven. everything that exists, also exists on the internet. including the internet. (paradox, motherfucker.) here’s the whole article that i needlessly spent an hour trying to retype.

Read the rest of this entry »

the triumphant return [to be immediately followed by morning sickness]

11 12 2007

mr t

don’t worry, i’m due in january. then, not only will i have plenty of time to post my verbal diarrhea, but i’ll also be able to do it while driving around in my sweet new mustang convertible. (you wouldn’t believe how much cash you can get for a brand new baby.)

thank God for science. they finally found a cure for gayness… in flies. but not before finding a way to turn hetro flies queer as a three dollar bill. i don’t really understand how they did it, but i heard that both transformations somehow involved zac effron.

Juno hits theaters this weekend. please fucking go see it so i can finally stop talking about it. you’ll love it. i swear. rainn wilson is in it. who doesn’t love rainn wilson? no one. that’s who. jesus titty fucking christ, just go see the fucking movie already. fucking hell, dude. seriously.

i went to see Atonement this weekend. before you ask, no, there was not a nude scene. believe it or not, that was not why i went. (seriously.) the main attraction for me was the long take that i kept hearing about. it was an insane five minute sequence requiring an infinite amount of orchestration. if you go to see the movie, and you hear James McAvoy say “i smell the sea,” sit up and start paying attention. other than that one extremely awesome shot, the movie wasn’t bad. not the greatest story, but really well shot. and they showed the word “cunt” in really big letters. so there’s that, too.

i just started listening to Peter, Bjorn, and John and i’ve been dancing around [in my head] to their music all week. quick, someone welcome me to 2006.

i just watched the trailer for Machine Girl, and it’s left me feeling strange. i know how i should feel. i should have a boner from the overwhelming amount of awesomeness that i just witnessed. but instead, i’m left feeling a little bored. is it possible that i finally went over the edge? could i have pushed the threshold to the point that there is no longer a threshold? i guess it’s just a matter of time before the internet does this to everyone. you can only experience things like two girls, one cup so many times before something snaps. or maybe it’s just the hormones.