life, explained

30 09 2007


first, i have to get this out of the way. i heart tegan and sara. i just downloaded their new album, the con, and i’m fucking hooked. i’m barely equipped to communicate with other people, much less describe my thoughts about music, but i’ll try anyway because what else do you have to do right now? this album is the kind that tugs at my emotions while making me constantly want to turn it up until my ears bleed. nineteen is easily my favorite track. their show in november is already fucking sold out. motherfuck me. so anyway…

i saw two movies tonight. the first was Eastern Promises, David Cronenberg‘s new film. it was really pretty good. it was even more violent than big dave’s last film, A History of Violence, and that had “violence” right in the title for fuck’s sake. the bathhouse scene was especially shocking. imagine aragorn… naked… in a knife fight. the old woman sitting next to me summed it up perfectly when she yelled, “JIMINY CHRISTMAS.” the only down side was the baby. i am so sick of fucking babies (not literally). and yes, i will continue to milk that joke until i have (literally) milked it dry.

the other movie i saw tonight was Across the Universe, a musical made up entirely of Beatles’ songs. it was good, but i am sure that most people with more artistic sensibilities will be turned off by Julie Taymor‘s attempts at being “artistic.” (after rereading that last sentence, i feel like an asshole. but i’m leaving it. cause it’s 3am, and i’m too tired to think of something better to say.) before it’s release, taymor and producer, joe roth, had a major disagreement which led to roth recutting the film and conducting screenings without taymor’s knowledge, which led to taymor threatening to take her name off the film, and also delayed the release by an entire year. i’m not sure whose cut i saw tonight, but when the credits rolled, it clearly said “a julie taymor film”, so take that for what it’s worth. although the film had it’s weak points, it had a certain affect on me. it reminded me of something that i had forgotten about myself, and about people in general. that was way too personal of a statement for ANYONE to really understand. but again, i’m too tired to even delete.

and speaking of The Beatles, it was recently announced that Martin Scorsese will direct a documentary about my favorite Beatle, George Harrison. (i just wrote so much shit about The Beatles that i needed a bump. RIDE IT, BITCHES.) Read the rest of this entry »


how to survive working in an office

29 09 2007

my job can be unfuckingbearable sometimes. most of the time, in fact. actually, it sucks pretty much all the time. i get about 15-20 minutes a day where i don’t want to either kill myself, or kill someone else. this isn’t because i have a shitty job so much as it is because i am incapable of dealing with the unrelenting bullshit of working in an office. it’s a little like the movie Office Space, but it’s not funny, and i have yet to meet jennifer aniston working at any of the places i eat lunch. so i just found an illustrated guide to surviving life in an office. ride the bump, only if necessary.

Read the rest of this entry »


29 09 2007

truck in house

i hate the internet. i hate blogging. i hate people. i hate doing stuff. i hate everything. that’s why i haven’t made an entry in a while.

if you’re like me, you don’t have anything on your computer worth backing up. some shitty papers you wrote in college, some pictures of people you don’t talk to anymore, a two year old resume, and a few [hundred] porn videos. however, if you’re Francis Ford Coppola, you most definitely have some shit worth saving. unfortunately, no one told Coppola that backing up to an external hard drive, which sits next to your computer, does not help when you get robbed. i’m sure that script for Tetro wasn’t that good anyway.

tracking shots are sweet, so PVC-1 has to be good. right?

crazy people should not be allowed to be rich. there’s fucking starving kids in africa, or something, and that douche bag is spending $10 million on an alien proof bunker. i fucking hate that guy.

awesomeness overload

25 09 2007

train ride

according to some guys who know a lot about math, parallel universes really do exist. what does this mean? it means Sliders was real… in another universe… probably.

man rips head off duck. duck is not amused.

female ninjas rob gas station. i cross off #32 on the list of things i want to see before i die.

germs go to space. germs come back better, stronger, faster, deadlier. fuck yeah. space germs will kill us all. did i mention, you should really be enjoying life while you can.

holy crap, holy crap, holy crap

25 09 2007


it was just recently announced that Hotel Chevalier, wes anderson‘s prologue to The Darjeeling Limited, will premier TODAY in apple stores in NY, LA, chicago, and sanfrancisco.  and more importantly, it will be available for free on the itunes store, tomorrow.  (which also means it will be on every bit torrent site by tomorrow night.)  this is the best news i’ve heard all year.

bermese monks want to ruin rambo 4

24 09 2007

rambo vs burmese monks

after september 11th, 2001, sylvester stallone supposedly locked himself in a room, and when he finally came out, he had the first draft of John Rambo, which took place in afganistan and involved rambo hunting osama bin ladin. as the political climate in america changed over the next five years, new drafts had rambo ripping throats out in such places as north korea and iraq. finally, stallone called up soldier of fortune magazine and asked, “where in the world is shit the most fucked up?” and the response was burma (now known as myanmar, but i’m gonna keep saying burma cause rambo says burma). so rambo is going to burma to fight the evil burmese millitary and rescue some girl that could be his great-granddaughter. but now, these friggin burmese monks are trying to fuck it all up for everyone by trying to get the ruthless military controlled government of burma to hand over the country to the peaceful National League of Democracy party. if they’re successful by the end of 07, WHO THE FUCK IS RAMBO GOING TO KILL??? he’s gotta kill SOMEONE. in fact, he has to kill fucking HORDES of people. what a bunch of selfish fucks, trying to fuck up the most violent movie in the history of cinema, just so they won’t have to live under the most violent and oppressive government in the world today. i don’t care if they are peace loving come january. the whole fucking country could be fucking sunshine and rainbows for all i care. rambo is going to kill those motherfuckers.

sick, sick wurld

23 09 2007


have you seen the new poster for good luck chuck? look familiar? wtf, chuck?

i just stumbled across the The Perry Bible Fellowship, and proceeded to spend an hour reading every single comic.

do you know what the term “vagina dentata” means? if not, you’re about to find out. is it weird that i am still attracted to her after finding out what she’s got going on downstairs? (all links sfw, i think.)

interesting anecdote about WWII and warner bros. studios:
“Well aware that the Lockheed aircraft plant in Burbank, just blocks from his studio, was certain to be a high-value target, [Jack Warner] was horrified one day to have someone point out that, from the air, a Japanese bomber might not be able to tell the difference. Warner promptly visited the studio’s paint shop and ordered the erection of an enormous sign on the roof of one of the Warner soundstages. The result? A twenty-foot arrow pointing to Burbank, along with the words: LOCKHEED – THAT-A-WAY!”