i wish i could quit you. fag.

i think i accidentally made a blog post.  this is from a comment on www.fivethreedialtone.com www.eatthiscity.com.   i couldn’t just let it be.

you ever notice how some people use the comment section of other people’s blogs as if they were their own blog? super lame bryanmetro and jared. it’s called wordpress. google it.

also, the oscars are only good for two things… getting drunk and swearing at your television.

also, dark knight absolutely did not deserve the best picture nomination. but for that matter, neither did crash, return of the king, chicago, a beautiful mind, gladiator, shakespeare in love, titanic, the english patient, or braveheart.

also, am i the only one who didn’t fucking love that button movie? i mean, it was good, but 13 nominations? seriously? i would have liked it better if they had released it under it’s original title, “forrest gump 2.” [boo yah!]

and why wasn’t rambo nominated for anything? isn’t there a category for best film depiction of the murder of a child? because rambo would’ve gotten double nominated for that shit. how many movies show a baby being ripped out of his mother’s arms and thrown in a fire, just for the hell of it? fuck dark knight. fucking rambo should have gotten a best picture nom.

this party is just getting started

the average walking speed for a human person is 2.8 to 3.4 miles per hour.

the terminator movies were prophetic prophecies from prophets.

pizza is delicious.

generally, human people blink every 2-10 seconds.

rainbows are dangerous.

netfuck u

netflix just told me that they will no longer mail dvds to me because i had a few stolen off my porch. this is not cool. if you don’t have netflix, you cannot comprehend the amount of time and energy that it requires. i have spent hundreds, if not billions of hours building my queue and rating movies that i have seen. and now netflix has told me that the only way that i can prevent all of this time and hard work from going to waste is to take my penis, cut it off, swallow it, wait about 8 hours, shit it out, and then swallow it again.

i hate netflix.

fuckers never quit. quiters never get to fuck.

don’t worry. i haven’t given up yet. i’ve just been busy drinking alcohol and playing with my wiener. the other night i did nothing but get drunk and beat the midget all night long. but now i’ve turned over a new leaf (which has nothing to do with the giant blister on willy wonka). i’m back to the shit and ready to rock. while you’re waiting for the real “rocking” to begin, check THIS out. it is the greatest thing i have seen all day. seriously. all. fucking. day.

netflix is GoD

my queue is your bitch.  or my bitch.  or you are my bitch.  or you are my queue’s bitch.  or something. [this is why i don't blog anymore.]

happy burfday to bean

mr bean is 53.  woo hoo for the funniest man to ever come out of england. (other than monty python.)  (and benny hill.)  (and ever other british comedian who is funnier than the bean.)

good news for you bored internet browsing fucks,  i’m driving the sweetest cherry red mustang convertible ever.  and i am about 15 pounds lighter than last week.    with any luck, i’ll be back to blogging regularly sometime this week.  yay for you.

in the meantime, here’s a glimpse of the garbage that i’ll be linking to shortly.  celebrities give their kids funny names.  even vomit inducingly hot celebrities.

go vs. rules

i’m phoning it in, again. the following is from an email i wrote last summer after drinking too much wine.

s&m for kidz

did you ever watch the X-Files? remember why the Cigarette Smoking Man said they shouldn’t kill Mulder? “kill the man, and you risk starting a crusade.” it was just some bullshit that the writers had to come up with in order to explain the most obvious problem with that show (other than, why don’t they just have him fired from the FBI so he can’t flash that badge around while he’s investigating aliens and shit). fortunately, the RIAA never watched the X-Files. and now they have to deal with TEH CRUSADE.

the only reason i’m posting this is because they managed to work in an Evil Dead reference and a Scanners reference. (but where the fuck was the Idle Hands reference? (i <3 alba.))

jon stewart continues to be the coolest little dude on tv. (he is very short.)

i used to live minutes from the best independently owned video store ever. EVER. i would go there a few times a week and i always found something new, no matter how many times i went. if not for that store, i probably never would have heard of some of my now favorite movies. i loved it, and i miss it. now, the only video store within driving distance of me is blockbuster videofuck. blockbuster is a cancer that has been killing the video rental industry for the past 20 years. it has driven countless independently owned video stores out of business over the years, and replaced them with the kind of culture starved, cookie cutter bullshit that has sapped the intellectual strength from our society. but have no fear, netflix has finally slayed the wicked beast. it appears that blockbuster is going down, which will finally open the door to new indie video stores who can fill the void. (to quote my itallian friend, “it’s small, but it fills the gap.”) hopefully, this will lead to a whole new generation who actually know who the fuck Richard Edson is.

it’s not always about U

i’ve been trying the past few nights to post something, but i cannot fucking stand my own writing, right now. i always get a few sentences into a post before abandoning it like a prom night dumpster baby. the problem is not a lack of subject matter. in the past few nights, i’ve watched two awesome indie films. not to mention all the random shit i’ve come across on the internet that would normally result in me writing an endless amount of bullshit. oh well. at least i’m writing something now. i guess.

although i wasn’t able to write anything, i was able to finally do something with that one page that had the cumming joke. i’m still not sure if i was better off just leaving the cumming joke. it’s up there at the top. i already forgot what it’s called. i’m sure you’ll figure it out.

this isn’t much of an entry, but fuck it. i am not ur dancing monkey.

still hangin in there, barely

remember when i said that The Ten kind of sucked? i take it all back. not because i watched the movie again and had a change of heart, but because i just read this review. it kind of makes me want to watch the movie again (with drugs this time).

so i guess scientology is a lot bigger than i thought. check out this list of famous scientologists that you didn’t know were scientologists because you still had a little respect for them and didn’t want to believe that they were fucking dumb enough to buy into that shit. poor, poor laura prepon.

there’s a new trailer for Run, Fatboy, Run. i am still optimistic that it will be good. at least i’m trying to be.

happy birthday macaulay culkin

fuck. i started a blog. i haven’t figured out what the purpose of this thing is going to be, but i’m guessing it will consist mainly of links to whateverthefuck i come across on the www. i may even write stuff from time to time.

i fucking hate it already.