fuck u

ain’t it cool is the worst site ever. they get the occasional “scoop”, which normally turns out to be bull shit. actually, now that u mention it, the whole internet is fucking terrible. it’s just a bunch of fucking ass holes, all re-reporting the same fucking shit, over and over and over.

and you know who else sucks? NBC. back in the days when network television was considered to be worth a shit, NBC was number fucking one. now that it is commonly accepted that network television is the lowest form of entertainment, NBC is at the bottom of the shit pile.

and you know what else? i want to see brad pitt gain a lot of weight for a role. like 60 lbs., at least. i mean, wtf, brad? first of all, your name is fucking brad. secondly, you actually have some talent as an actor, so stop coasting on your looks and fucking act like a REAL GOD DAMN ACTOR. you know what a REAL GOD DAMN ACTOR does? he takes a role that does not center around him looking sexy, and instead, plays a fucked up lunatic, which requires not eating or sleeping for six fucking months. that’s what a REAL GOD DAMN ACTOR does. and btw, gaining 60 lbs is pussy ass bull shit when compared to losing 60 lbs.

as a fucking side note, if you read this post and didn’t click on the links, then GFYS. stop wasting your time and get back to where you belong.

i hate everything because everything sucks. so STFU.

apparently this is a movie blog

so i hear they’re making another batman movie. i also happened to hear EVERY FUCKING LITTLE DETAIL of the whole movie. when they say “spoiler” just stop reading. trust me. i’m not going to do to you what i did to myself by giving you the opportunity to ruin the movie for yourself the way i ruined it for myself. [...] but i will give you this. (btw, i fixed the link.)

and what’s this i’m hearing about a dakota fanning rape scene in her new movie? wtf? i can’t even make a joke about that. and believe me, i’m trying.

i’m going to start sounding like a certain, more popular blogger here, but it needs to be said. for the love of fuck, someone pay my way to the toronto international film festival. if for no other reason than to see michael cera’s new movie. i promise, if you pay for me to go, i’ll write enough blog entries to keep you mildly entertained for days. all i need is $2200 canadian. i’ll send you my paypal name if you’re interested in contributing.

r kelly is a genius on a level that you cannot comprehend

if you have never seen r kelly’s music video opera internet show type thing, trapped in the closet, then you haven’t experienced what it means to be alive in 2007.  this is possibly the greatest thing ever created, in the past year.  so far, there are 22 episodes, or chapters, with at least 30 more on the way.  if you haven’t seen or heard any of trapped in the closet yet, check out the first five chapters here.  and then, after you’re mind has been blown, keep watching until you get to here.  and if you want to start in the middle, you can click here.  and if you like pterodactyl porn, just click here.

best of 2007, so far

rotten tomatoes just did a list of the best and worst movies of 2007, and it sucks. so i did one myself, which is about a billion times better. you probably won’t recognize half the films on the list. that’s because i am so much more indie than you.

if you like movies, and love reading blog entries about them, then ride the bump like a highskool girl making out with her prepubescent boyfriend.

eat em up tigers. eat em up.

tigers 16

yankees 0

i heart the tigers (as long as they’re winning).

happy birthday pee wee herman

it looks like a penis. it feels like a penis. it smells like a penis.

IT IS A PENIS!!!

poor taste

warner tells tim burton to take out all the bloody slashing scenes. owen wilson protests by slashing his wrists.

4½ foot long mummified penis bone sells for $8000 at auction in beverly hills. [insert paris hilton joke here.]

gay is not gay; irony is gay

i’m about to give away the secret of the title of this blog. a few months ago, i got drunk, listened to the b-side “baby brother” from the new white stripes album, icky thump, and proceeded to write this email to some dude. if you’re still interested, just ride the bump.

young, dumb, and full of cum

who doesn’t love zack galifonakomosfusopolis?

four reasons why transformers’ success was a bad thing

1. He-Man
2. Voltron
3. GI Joe
4. Jurassic Park 4

some people might wonder why JP4 would make this list. if you were a child in the 1980s, and you don’t remember dino riders, then your parents didn’t love you and i feel fucking terrible for you.

i heart mr rogers

but i’m still weirded out by kids.

wasting my time, to better waste yours

here are some things i’ve learned about stuff recently:

every rumor you’ve heard about the justice league of america movie is a fucking lie.

iron man WILL be the greatest comicbook movie ever, which isn’t saying much, but still.

bruce campbell is holding up production of bubba nosferatu because he’s not sure that he wants to work with paul giamatti.

frank miller’s new movie, the spirit, is going to be awesome.

oz, the remake of the wizard of oz based on todd mcfarlane’s action figures, is going to be disappointing.

everything you heard about superbad is true.

lolcatz is dead

but i can’t let it go.

 

happy birthday macaulay culkin

fuck. i started a blog. i haven’t figured out what the purpose of this thing is going to be, but i’m guessing it will consist mainly of links to whateverthefuck i come across on the www. i may even write stuff from time to time.

i fucking hate it already.